The tweet that started a mini-panic on Twitter and an investigation by Capitol police in Washington DC :
As more details of the unfolding drama that wasn't actually happening rolled out of the imaginations of The Onions's writers, the details became more dramatic :
Then they ran this story :
Okay, they're taking the metaphor of Congress 'Holding The Future Hostage' as literally and as far as they can, but come on, it's The Onion. It's what they do :
The Full Story Is Here
WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage this morning, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda, where they remain at press time.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators that the legislative body's demands would be issued within the next hour, and that if any attempt is made to stage a rescue "all the kids will die."
The Onion is live-tweeting the hostage drama at Congress, and it's ongoing as I write this. It's an interesting, if dangerous, experiment in dark-satire, and likely to be a very successful one. If the mark of success for a satirical entity is to bring a whole world of shit down on their heads, along with real-world headlines.
Meanwhile, in po-faced land :
So according to US Capitol police, the Speaker of the House is not executing hostage children found to be carrying phones. Well that's good news.
“It has come to our attention that recents twitter feeds are reporting false information concerning current conditions at the U.S. Capitol. Conditions at the U.S. Capitol are currently normal,” read a press release from Sergeant Kimberly Schneider.
“There is no credibility to these stories or the twitter feeds,” Schneider’s release read. “The U.S. Capitol Police are currently investigating the reporting.”
More To Come