God Tells Man : Teach Americans How To Beat Their Children, With Love

It should be a hoax, one of those websites created with the sole aim of scoring a few million hits off taking an outrageous stand, on controversial subject matter, and then pocketing the ad cash and pulling the plug.

But this guy appears to be serious.

Pennsylvanian corporal punishment enthusiast, Joey Salvati, claims he had not one but four conversations with God, while he was showering, and God told him to go into business constructing wooden paddles that parents can use to beat their children senseless. Or to show their love.

Joey claims because this is a mission from God, he is giving the paddles away for free, but there is a fee for packaging and mailing. So far, he's shipped 1400 of the thick, plank-like paddles, which come with an owner's manual :

"If you have to do something with your child, if you do it this way, you are at least getting their attention, but you are not harming them," said Salvati.

The manual touches on everything from how many swats to apply to an appointment card for scheduling the spanking.

But according to his Web site, the paddles are to be used lovingly and never in anger.

Of course not.

Joey wants all parents who feel the need to spank their children, to act responsibly. This is why on his website, Spare Rods, he supplies tips.

First he warns you should 'calibrate' your paddle :

Before applying paddle to a child you should determine the force of your swing.

Beat yourself with the paddle first, he suggests, to find out how much it hurts.

The child to be punished, Joey says, should have to tell the parent why they are being punished. And what happens if they refuse?

• Parent should wait one minute between each swat.

• Apply no more than 5 swats per day.

• Spank only on the rump.

• Child must be wearing clothes.

• Use force sufficient only to get the child's attention.

And don't forget, Joey says, to give your child a hug after the beating is over, and tell them that you still love them. The beating, of course, was for their own good.

Spare Rods : God-Approved Wooden Planks For Beating Your Child