Still looking for a ticket to The World Cup in Germany?
More than 44,000 VIP World Cup tickets have been handed back to FIFA after a 'promotions company' failed to find buyers.
Could it be because these tickets were being sold for more than $4000?
Leaders of the Catholic Church around the world warned followers not to go and see the heathenistic (or just fictional) movie 'The DaVinci Code'.
Which must explain why the movie has just broken box office records in Roman Catholicism Dominated Italy.
Any screenings in that little cinema in Vatican City?
Jack Marx thinks the Beaconsfield Mine Rescue movie will go ahead, despite the relatively action-free story of two men lying in a cage for two weeks, simply because We Love Holes So Much.
"...between the introduction and the triumphant climax lives a tale of such unspeakable, unwritable, unfilmable boredom it would have Andy Warhol bellowing for a scene change..."
A British cop was flogging his Ford Galaxy patrol car along at 91mph, when he realised he was driving through a 30mph zone, and there was a speed camera dead ahead.
The cop locked up his brakes, he lost control and he crashed the car.
He wasn't on police business, so he was convicted of "driving without due care or attention". He may have been driving without either, but when he paid attention he quickly crashed.
See? It's not just you.
Even police can warp along at THREE TIMES the speed limit.
But unlike when cops get caught driving like this, you will be slapped with a big, fat speeding fine.
Babies To Be Assigned A Website Address At Birth?
The babies of the future....will have a web address instead of a National Insurance Number.
'I have a vision that in the future when a baby is born you'll get some sort of internet ID that is effectively your digital persona, and it will grow with you.
It will actually represent you in some way - what you know, what you've done, your experiences...This is the thing that always identifies you. Every time you do something on the internet, it is effectively logged, building up this profile that is with you for your life
Then you have your life's record...
It all sounds a bit too much like The Mark Of Beast for us.
All of this is appropriate, of course, seeing as The Antichrist's Birthday is just around the corner on 06/06/06/
Russia's population is decreasing by 700,000 people a year.
Echoing the Australian Treasurer's call for families to have, "one baby for the father, one for the mother and one for the country," Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced that he will double month child support payments and that more women need to start having babies. Now.
Even a second baby added to each family, in a nation full of one-child-families, will make Putin so happy, the new mother will score a 'baby bonus' of more than $US9200.
That's THIRTY TIMES the amount of the average Russian's monthly salary.
If you don't already believe that the United States has become a Ultra-Fascist Bush-Hitler Police State, then perhaps this story will change your mind :
School Bans Bottled Ketchup
One student at Basha High School in Chandler was disciplined after being caught with a ketchup bottle two days in a row. And the principal said the school called the parents of several others found with the contraband.
This has nothing to do with the Apocalype or anything, but Brits have been warned that they should prepare for a summer where Fish And Frogs Rain Down From The Sky.
Australian Prime Minister John Howard now believes that Iran can be compared to Hitler and the Nazis for acting Hitler-like with possible plans plans for some very Hitler-ish identification programs for Jews and Christians in Iran, which have now turned out to be false.
"It obviously echoes the most horrible period of genocide in the world's history and the marking of Jewish people with a mark on their clothing by the Nazis, and anything of that kind, would be totally repugnant to civilised countries," said Mr Howard.
If it was true.
But it isn't.
Making comparisons between 'enemy' foreign leaders of today and Hitler of the past has proven very popular in the past few months, despite the long established Rule Of Arguments #11 clearly being : The First Person To Mention Hitler Loses The Argument'.
Here's a few quick examples :
CHAVEZ SAYS BUSH WORSE THAN HITLER
"The imperialist, genocidal, fascist attitude of the U.S. president has no limits. I think Hitler would be like a suckling baby next to George W. Bush."
MERKEL SAYS IRAN REMINDS HER OF THE RISE OF HITLER
"Looking back to German history in the early 1930s when National Socialism (Nazism) was on the rise, there were many outside Germany who said, 'It's only rhetoric -- don't get excited'."
RUMSFELD SAYS CHAVEZ REMINDS HIM OF HITLER
"We've got Chavez in Venezuela with a lot of oil money. He's a person who was elected legally, just as Adolf Hitler was elected legally, and then consolidated power, and now is, of course, working closely with Fidel Castro and Mr. [Evo] Morales and others. It concerns me..."
OLMERT LIKENS IRAN LEADER TO HITLER
"(Iran's president) Ahmadinejad talks today like Hitler spoke before seizing power. We are dealing with a psychopath of the worst kind....God forbid this man from ever getting his hands on nuclear weapons."
The UK Daily Mirror claims that crucial evidence relating to the Crash Car That Killed Princess Diana is now missing, meaning the truth about what happened in that Paris Tunnel may always remain a mystery....
Except for the bit about Diana's car slamming into a concrete pylon at more than 100mph. That's a pretty well established fact.
Um, Lionel Richie is really, really big in Baghdad.
Yeah, that Lionel Richie. The visionary who once made a video for his song Hello (Is It Me You're Looking For?), which featured a BLIND woman being, basically, stalked by Mr Richie himself.
Seems like there's a lot of Iraqis who really love the songs of Lionel Richie.
"I love Lionel Richie," said one Iraqi, just to make sure you understand that Iraqis really, really like, and sometimes even love, Lionel Richie.
They don't even need to understand English in order to sing along to the songs.
Perhaps that helps?
Or it might just be all that depleted uranium blowing around.
Has President Bush really destroyed the CIA?
No president has ever before ruined an agency at the heart of national security out of pique and vengeance. The manipulation of intelligence by political leadership demands ever tightened control. But political purges provide only temporary relief from the widening crisis of policy failure.
STOCK MARKET/WORLD FINANCE CONDITIONS SIMILAR TO THOSE PRE-1987 CRASH.
According to the London Times : Conditions in the financial markets are eerilySimilar to those that precipitated the “Black Monday” stock market crash of October 1987, according to leading City analysts.
A report by Barclays Capital says the run-up to the 1987 crash was characterised by a widening US current-account deficit, weak dollar, fears of rising inflation, a fading boom in American house prices, and the appointment of a new chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.
Apart from the similarities in economic conditions, during the run-up to the 1987 crash there was a sharp rise in share prices worldwide and weakness in bond markets...
“Market patterns leading to the crash of 1987 resemble the markets today...”
Heard of The Fat Police yet? They may soon be coming to English to weigh children, looking for obesetoids. Dragged out of your class for your political beliefs, failure to pay school fees, ability to hit teacher from back of classroom with a rubberband slingshot....understandable.
But hauled out of a class just because a kid's to fat?
This whole thing reaks of obesticism.
Seven members of an Indonesian family became infected with the bird flu virus and six died within eight days.
But the World Health Organisation can't yet confirm a source for the infection. The WHO also denies the virus has mutated into a form that can spread easily from human to human.
Go here for more on the Bird Flu Crisis.
THE TRIUMPH OF (MOCK) SATANIC HEAVY METAL AT EUROVISION
A stunning triumph at the Eurovision Song Contest for Finland's (mock) satanic heavy metallers Lordi, who we tipped here to walk off with the top gong.
Fantastic. What an absolute shocker it must have been for those waiting to see who would be the next Eurovision-launched pop masters, following in the glam heel prints of ABBA, Bucks Fizz and....Celine Dion.
Theatrical heavy metal is obviously not dead, but could it become gay-friendly?
It's off to a good start winning the Eurovision, after some nasty 'Aids Kill Fags Dead' t-shirt moments during the 1980s, despite one of the lords of 1980s heavy metal, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, being an openly gay, leather-friendly, S & M-styled bondage master.
Okay, make that 'could it become even more gay-friendly?'
Lordi wins Eurovision, now heavy metal will never be taken seriously again (yes, we are fully aware of the irony inherent in that statement).
UPDATE : Uh-oh, Lordi's win seems to have already birthed a new rock movement, Eurometal.
See how long that tagging/branding term lasts before it's put out of its misery.
Lordi is not Euro-bloody-metal, they're (mock) Satanic Heavy Metal.
There's an important difference that I can't quite comprehend, but it's there.
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